Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
