I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
