i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
