idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
