Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
