u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
