someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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