It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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