and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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