My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
