the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
