I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
