So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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