Say something about gay babies.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
