Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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