He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
