how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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