Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
