I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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