He kissed a someone with a penis
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
