Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
