Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
