another moral hangover. fuck.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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