Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it glows. i had to have it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
