I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
