You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
