So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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