So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
