as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
