I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize