Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
