bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
