my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
