i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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