Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
