Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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