how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
