just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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