I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
