Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
