If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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