the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
