I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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