How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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