I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
