these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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