my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
