I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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