47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
