Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She needs sedatives and a leash
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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