I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
