i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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