i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
