I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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