I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
