eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
