I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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