I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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