U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He felt like a one man threesome
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
