the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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