I wish life had little blips of pornography
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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