WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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