did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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