Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize