nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize