Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i out mim tonsoeep
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
