Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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