So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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