I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
